Baby AROUND THE CLOCK

LIFE CHANGES

AFTER HAVING A BABY!

Get ready to embrace a rollercoaster ride.

Introduction:

Buckle up, fellow dads! Today, we're diving headfirst into the wacky world of fatherhood, where chaos reigns supreme and your sanity is merely a distant memory. Brace yourself for the unfiltered truth and get ready to question your life choices as we explore the unexpected twists and turns that come with the title of Dad. 

Trust me, nobody warned me about what was waiting around the corner and now it's my duty to enlighten you and smoke out this hilarious survival guide.

Before I go ahead with this ludicrous list of facts that have had a meteor size impact in my life, I have to state that my little one and the second baby that we’re expecting are the reason I happily get out of bed every morning singing and with a smile on my face (that’s how I picture myself at least). 

Honestly, my kids mean the world to me and I will never regret a second of this journey, this is the best time of my life.

You’re never prepared or never imagined what was coming

Remember all those times you thought commuting to work was tough? Or carrying groceries from the car was a workout? Well, that's child's play compared to the physical feats of strength involved in fatherhood. Say hello to the Olympics of physical labour!

From lifting prams to rocking a baby to sleep for hours on end or mastering the art of changing nappies at the speed of light. And the most painful chore is to cook a meal juggling your little one from one arm to another. Who has never done that? In any of these cases my friend, your muscles will scream for mercy and are in for a wild ride. Great work out though, if you have no time for the gym routine.

The responsibilities and physical labour it requires are insane!

You’re not yourself anymore

Say goodbye to the old you, the cool guy who could rock a spontaneous road trip or enjoy a night of uninterrupted sleep. The guy who had dreams, ambitions, and a social life. Yeah, that's all gone faster than your toddler can demolish a tower of blocks.

Say hello to the new you, who is now a new and improved version of yourself, equipped with superhuman patience, the ability to function on minimal sleep, and an uncanny talent for making ridiculous faces to entertain your little one. Who needs a personal identity when you can be your child's personal clown?

Mourning the person you used to be

This probably is the most painful scar it leaves on your soul. Sweet nostalgia of reminiscing about the good old days when spontaneity was a thing and sleep wasn't just a distant memory. Or days of carefree adventures and lazy Sundays spent watching football. Sorry mate, those days are as extinct and long gone.

You'll catch yourself daydreaming about your past life, mourning the freedom you once had while simultaneously wearing a spit-up-stained shirt and watching silly TV shows. After yawning a few times you pickup your phone just to find out your friends had an amazing night out. You can fantasise as much as you want about being there and having fun as well but you're immediately pulled back to earth when you hear “Dada”. 

Of course, having fun and going out for a few pints are still part of the game as it SHOULD but it won’t be how it used to be ever again. The utter truth is that you never thought it would be possible to miss yourself. 

You’re not in control of your time, money and plans

Once it was clear to me that I was the master of my own destiny. Working in a major European capital, making enough money to eat and drink whatever and whenever I wanted. I had a perfect shift at work, three days on and three days off. That would allow me to open the travel app and simply choose whatever new destiny to visit. There’s always a party happening somewhere in the world on a Tuesday night, right? And I wanted to be there. Yeah, well, those days are long gone as well. 

Fatherhood laughs in the face of what your life was and makes those days feel like such illusions. The new you will see your time revolving around nap schedules, feeding and nappy changes. Don’t forget playdates and how much time you spend trying to decipher the cries of your little one. It does get easier with time, deciphering your baby’s cries but it doesn’t stop them from happening or your frustration to hear that little human crying for literally anything.

Hold on. Before you see red, remind yourself that crying is the only way they have to communicate their feelings and to express themselves. So ALWAYS BE KIND AND PATIENT. If that means asking your partner to step in for 5 minutes, do it. Trust me, a five minute walk around the block makes a huge difference.

Your money? Forget it! It disappears into the endless pit of baby gear, nappies, wipes, baby formula and toys that mysteriously vanish within seconds. Don’t forget that your little one much prefers to play with the wrapping paper or with the box that the brand new toy comes in, rather than the toy itself. 

And as for plans? Well, it used to be easy to just pack up and leave the house to go for a nice day at the beach or to go to the pub on a Friday night. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but these plans now require the strategic planning skills of a P.h.D. Engineer to execute.

Sleepless Nights 🙄

Those peaceful nights of uninterrupted sleep are just not real anymore. Who needs a full night's sleep anyway? Forget about counting sheep, you'll be counting nappy changes and midnight feedings instead. By the time your baby finally goes to sleep you’re going to be crawling to bed.  

Say hello to the land of sleep deprivation, where the hours between dusk and dawn become a blurry haze of crying, burping, and trying to crack the art of swaddling. You will learn the art of “Shh-ing” for hours, how to carry you baby in the same position for long periods of time until you feel an unbearable pain on your back. Also, your arm will be so heavy that you support it like a rock n roll guitar player supports the guitar on their knee when playing it.    

When the little one finally falls asleep is bloody relieving. You almost celebrate it as your football team’s goal (in total silence, of course). You wait a bit longer to put the baby to bed just in case they wake up too soon. That’s when you master the hilarious ninja art of putting the baby in the cot without waking them up. 

You manage somehow to put them down without disturbing their sleep. Stage one complete. You cover them in slow motion because all it takes is a little shake for everything to fall apart. Stage two complete. Now you just have to step away and make no noise on your way out. That pint is waiting for you in the kitchen. You think “I made it, I’m a winner”. That’s when you hear that creaking sound of the freaking wood floor that sounds like firecrackers. And immediately, the baby starts crying. 

Coffee will become your new best friend, and you'll start contemplating whether you can subsist on a diet of caffeine alone.

Having Little Time for Yourself

Finding time to do what you want actually goes hand in hand with sleep deprivation. Mostly what’s left for you is night time. The concept of having time for yourself consists of stealing moments in the dead of night when the rest of the world is blissfully unaware of your sleep-deprived shenanigans.

All those hobbies and personal interests have taken a backseat to your new role as a 24/7 entertainer, chauffeur, and expert lullaby singer. In fact you will catch yourself singing those annoying songs when you’re having a shower! 

So grab that lukewarm cup of tea, huddle in a corner, and savour those stolen moments of solitude and peace.

Feeling tired during the day while your child is fully awake

Ever noticed how kids seem to possess an endless supply of energy while you're barely functioning in zombie mode? It's a scientific fact that children absorb the life force of their exhausted parents, gaining superhuman vitality while we stumble around like caffeinated sloths.

Just remember, one day they'll be teenagers, and all this will be gone. In fact all this will be gone much sooner. It absolutely kills me just to think that one day, us parents, won’t be our baby’s favourite people anymore.

They will have friends, they will want to go out on their own. It will be their time to explore and conquer the world that was once ours. 

The weekend starts at 6:30am on Saturday

Forget about lazy mornings and super chilled brunches. Your weekend now kicks off at the ungodly hour of 6:30am, thanks to your tiny human alarm clock. Forget about hitting the snooze button or snuggling under the duvet.

Instead, embrace the wonders of early morning cartoons and breakfast battles with a toddler who insists on feeding the dog their cereal.

Look at the bright side, you have the opportunity to play as much as you want and do anything with your baby. It’s your own time with the baby without having to worry about work or timetables. 

Enjoy that moment and do the absolutely most of it. You can research activities to do and turn it into a weekend quest. Or even turn it into a learning new skill type of weekend.

Don’t worry about the mess and always be patient. You have the magical opportunity to shape a little person into an amazing human being. 

The not so easy job to keep your kids entertained  

If you thought you were the ultimate entertainer, the life of the party, get ready to meet your toughest critic: your own child. They have high expectations and tend to demand constant engagement.

Picture yourself in a wild frenzy, juggling hilarious dances, puppet shows, and doing questionable impersonations. In an attempt to take it to the next level, you let it become physical. You start juggling your child about like a professional barista throws their bottles when making a cocktail. You sprint across the living room as if you were a baby's own roller coaster in an amusement park.   

There's more! You transform into a skilled puppeteer, crafting complex storylines and characters using nothing but your imagination and a few toys. My little one loves when I read her stories. Every time is a different story, tone, quest and voices. All to keep her entertained. It’s amazing to see how engaged she is and wants to hear more and more. And just like that you create a routine that is never boring.

Each character takes on a unique voice and personality, transporting your child to a world of wonder and excitement. You can try wearing bed sheets as capes and mismatched accessories, hoping to pass off as a costume designer's masterpiece. It's like a circus act gone wrong, but hey, laughter is laughter, even if they’re laughing at you.

Just when you think you've got it all figured out, your mini-critic throws you a curveball. Yesterday's favourite activity is today's snooze-fest. Their preferences change rapidly, and you must adapt accordingly. Kids are like unpredictable tornadoes of boredom, and you're just trying to ride out the storm.

The key to survival lies in your ability to innovate. 

It could be building forts out of blankets and pillows, organising treasure hunts around the house, or engaging in art projects that unleash their creativity. Even transforming household chores into hilarious games could work, like "who can fold laundry the fastest?" Sometimes, a simple walk in the park or a trip to the zoo can be the perfect remedy for boredom.

Your child's giggles become the fuel that keeps you going, the reward that makes it all worthwhile. You may not have a fancy trophy for "Best Entertainer," but in your child's eyes, you're the funniest, most awesome person in the universe.

That’s when the magic happens and real bond is created between you and your child. You’re not going to be their best friend and favourite person forever. It will somehow change as it changed between us and our own parents, but the connection you build now is going to be for life.

House chores with a 14-month-old baby 

When you thought cleaning was a chore, add a 14-month-old little trouble to the mix, and you've got yourself a whole new level of chaos. Surprisingly hoovering is not one of them and has become an extremely fun task. 

Everytime she sees the hoover she wants me to hoover her foot, hand, tummy… we’re always having fun together. I stimulate her to help me in an enjoyable way and she’s happy to play along.

I never educate my baby girl by fear or threats. I absolutely despise this type of behaviour from parents when I see it happening anywhere. Instead, I encourage her to do what I want her to do by showing how nice and fun it can be. Obviously it doesn’t work all the time but all you have to do is to say something else.  

Conclusion:

From the sleepless nights to the never-ending laundry piles, each challenge brings with it immeasurable joy, laughter, and a newfound appreciation for the power of love. So, grab your superhero cape (or spit-up-stained shirt) and dive headfirst into the hilarious world of fatherhood.

Trust me, the adventure is worth every messy, exhausting, and utterly unforgettable moment. And remember, you're not alone in this wild ride. We're all in it together, armed with a hefty dose of humour and an endless supply of dad jokes.

So, my fellow fathers-in-training, get ready and embrace the rollercoaster ride that is fatherhood. Sure, it's tough, chaotic, and at times downright ridiculous, but it's also the most incredible journey you'll ever embark on.

dedicated to my gorgeous baby girl, the love of my life.